A Rendezvous much needed...

err...umm..ok let me speak now...

Last Eleven months or so have deprived me of the joy of being able to strike a cord and have a meaningful conversation with my own self. i fail to communicate and therefore explain too what do i mean exactly by having a conversation with myself. it is as vague as it can get. i dunno whether i talk to the mind, the conscience or just the psychological "me" for that matter, or i just try to think to myself, but whatever it may be, you cannot deny the powerful energy which oozes out of the entire process to make you stand firm...and the point is..i have been missing all that...

when i try to dig deeper for finding out the cause behind this phenomenon,i am left muddled and perplexed all the more. if i say, the sheer number of interactions which i have been through in the last year has gone up improportionately which has specifically disturbed the aforesaid conversation, then that would not be a wise arguement, for i am not the kind of person who cannot find solitude in a space and time ridiculously flooded with activities and people.because i believe solitude does not bear any functional relationship with the external world.

True, i have met so many new people and also some of the old ones in the new light bringing radically different perspectives to life..some who were astonishingly bright and quick-witted and others who were completely bizzare to the core in their own way...and surrounded by them, i just missed maself..

Then there were those Moments..potpourie of all sorta emotions..creating the range of extremities in a short passage of time..some of unadulterated elation and some others of silent lamentation, some of teenage anxiety and others of amazement on finding a very queer connect....and again amongst all this, i just missed myself...

but what do all these things have to do with the lack of conversation? nothing and in a sense everything too.

i have taken a shield of all these things to convince myself to postpone the search within because i had started having qualms about the entire conversation itself. and Dude, this is really scary. The hazy feeling that there is so much within me,so unexplored and so much which has not been done justice to... the endless power, the unspoken dreams, the rebellion thoughts waiting to be set free, the passion to work with madness till a burnout,soft emotions and unending endurance,a poet, an artist and a clown too, and above all the eternal will to redeem the self...I fear somehow, if and when i will strike a cord with maself, all these things will surface together and i will feel utter helplessness about not doing anything of so many things; so powerful and lying within me...and that is my deepest fear...

I want to break free..i want to run the distance.. i want to live the dream...
i guess i need to fix an appointment with myself... a rendezvous soon enough,eh??